When Breastfeeding Doesn’t Go As Planned: The Switch to Formula During a Shortage
“But what will I feed my baby?”
That’s not something I ever thought I would have to wonder.
It’s not something any parent should ever have to wonder.
A most basic need and terrifying question.
And to ask that after an already difficult breastfeeding journey. It’s too much.
After a monumental emotional journey to switch from breastfeeding to formula. It’s too much.
After a decision that you know was best for you and your baby. It’s too much.
A decision that took so much intentional thought and tears to make. It’s too much.
After coming to peace with your decision, only to be met with a shortage of food to feed your baby?
It’s all too much.
This formula shortage is not ok. And if you’re scared and worried, I feel for you.
I am you.
I was able to fill this month’s prescription for my baby’s hypoallergenic formula, but will next month’s be available? The thought is terrifying.
I never could have imagined the feeding struggles with my second baby.
I breastfed my first child for 15 months. Why would I think anything would be different the second time around?
Of course those first few weeks with my first baby were awkward and hard and filled with doubt. But once I got past those first few weeks, I never struggled with breastfeeding.
I was blessed with a good supply and besides some bottle refusal when I first returned to work and carving out pumping breaks 3 times a day, everything else went smoothly for 15 months.
My mental health never struggled due to feeding my first baby.
Of course, I knew friends with low supply or other struggles, and I empathized with them, but I never personally experienced it.
It’s one thing to empathize but it’s an entirely different experience to personally feel the weight of breastfeeding struggles. It’s all consuming.
I tried everything in my entire being to breastfeed my second for as long as I could.
The whole journey is recent and still raw and emotional.
Honestly, I tried too long.
I got to a place of overwhelm and postpartum depression. It was so hard to admit that was what was happening to me, and it’s still hard. But it needs to be talked about. Because it is the most lonely feeling.
I didn’t understand the depth of my struggles until bursting into tears at my 4 month pediatrician appointment. (Not to mention, I had gotten shingles 2 weeks before, due to what I’m sure was stress and overwhelm.)
I don’t think I wanted to admit that I was struggling. See, I had the most beautiful birth experience with my second born. It was healing and positive, and I felt so strong and empowered. (I promise I will eventually share that birth story).
I was so thrilled to have my baby here, and he was just the most calm newborn, and everything about his birth was so healing.
So I don’t think I wanted to accept that maybe my breastfeeding journey was going to be different this time around. Not only different but extremely difficult.
It went a little like this…
At birth, I gave up dairy from my diet. Hoping it would help with any potential tummy problems.
At 2 weeks postpartum, I got mastitis and started antibiotics.
At 3 weeks postpartum, I saw green, blood, and mucus in my baby’s stool. He was constantly congested, refluxy, spitting up, and cringing in pain. All from my breastmilk. It was awful.
At one month, I gave up soy. A little improvement but still cringing in pain and continued blood and mucus.
I gave up eggs. No improvement. I gave up corn. No improvement.
I continued to eliminate things from my diet, analyzing every diaper and obsessing over what I was eating.
I had a consult with a breastfeeding intolerance specialist who recommended an elimination diet to further pinpoint food triggers.
And at one point, I gave up dairy, soy, eggs, corn, chicken, legumes, peanuts, shellfish, beef, tree nuts, oats, rice—all at once. Still blood in his stool and cringing in pain, but I couldn’t figure out his triggers.
Let me be clear here. I do not recommend this. Especially without the attention of a medical professional monitoring you. In case it’s not abudantly clear from that list, it is really hard to fill your body with nutritious, calorie-dense options while eliminating that many food groups. And then add in taking care of a toddler and newborn, while trying to make breastmilk. In hindsight, it’s no wonder why my mental health was struggling.
I was referred to a pediatric GI, but appointments were booked at least 3 months out. I felt like I had to do anything possible for it to work.
With that sort of intense commitment to breastfeeding, I felt like a failure.
I was losing weight quickly, my mental health was struggling immensely, and everything I ate felt like it would hurt my baby.
It was a lonely and overwhelming feeling.
When I finally got in to see the Pediatric GI, I was told that I could switch to specialized formula if I really wanted to but that it’s totally ok and healthy to keep breastfeeding even when your baby has blood in their stool.
Earlier on that might have been encouraging and exactly what I wanted to hear, but at this point, I was so overwhelmed that hearing that just made me feel like “Why can’t I just continue doing this? My baby is fine according to the specialist. What’s wrong with me that I can’t keep doing this?”
And then I got shingles. It was like a glaring sign that my body was in overdrive from stress. I also already have an autoimmune disorder, so stress is disastrous for my body. For anyone’s body. (Stress and lack of sleep but that’s why I’m committed to helping families get the rest they need).
Some how I made it 4.5 months breastfeeding. And then I began to trial some Neocate formula. Y’all, my baby began to thrive. I continued to pump for the last month and a half, slowly getting down to one pump a day, not fully able to let go yet.
Until 2 weeks ago. And I pumped for the last time.
I tried soo hard. Like I said earlier, too hard. And I did not fail. I am a survivor and found what is best for my baby.
Thankfully, I have an amazing partner, friends, family, and care providers who encouraged me to take care of my mental health in order to provide best for my baby.
And it is so clear now that switching to formula was best for my baby.
Starting Jude on Neocate, a very broken down amino acid expensive formula (thankfully a good portion covered by insurance) was a dramatic positive shift. He immediately improved greatly. No more blood in his stool. Completely eliminated. After being present in every diaper from 3 weeks until 4.5 months. His skin is clear. He is happy, healthy, and thriving.
I began to eat and nourish my body. I started seeing a wonderful therapist who understands postpartum struggles and even feeding struggles through her own baby’s food intolerance journey.
I attended a postpartum fitness series to regain strength with some amazing providers who reinforced that postpartum nutrition is critical for the mother.
The weather changed from winter to spring.
I began to feel hopeful.
I never imagined before having my second baby that I would say that formula has been the best thing for me and my baby. But formula was absolutely the right decision for our family.
Yes, it was and still is an emotional process ending our breastfeeding journey. Like I said, it’s still recent and raw. But if i’m honest, I was grieving a journey that never was. I was grieving the journey I had hoped for.
Not one full of my baby cringing in pain and reacting to my breastmilk and having painful bowel movements.
I was grieving something that I had hoped for, and I needed to adjust my expectations.
And if parenthood teaches us anything, its that every baby is different. And our kids are individual people with individual needs. And to throw out our expectations because flexibility is crucial.
That should be the end of our transition and happy ending in the way that Jude began to flourish and happily enjoy his days while thriving on formula. Right?
Plot twist. Enter the formula shortage. It’s too much.
Will his prescription be available next month? If not, what will I feed him?
Even the normal formulas, which also aren’t available, will hurt his belly.
I’m not letting myself worry too much just yet, probably because we have formula for this month, but I know there are so many parents out there right now wondering what they will feed their babies.
It’s not as easy as the toxic messaging to “just breastfeed”. Many of us have tried and made the transition to formula out of love. And with a journey not without tears and pain. It is the best food source for our families.
If you are struggling, please know you are not alone. I am here if you need to vent or stand together in solidarity.
And please please utilize mental health resources and your support community. You are not alone in this.
You are not weak for struggling.
You are so strong. So strong.
If you find yourself unsure where to turn for support, Postpartum Support International is a great place to start.
And know that I am here for you in any way I can be of support.
